dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
