Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
