Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
