apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
