somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
