We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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