I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
