Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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