I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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