I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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