Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
