This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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