Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
