R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
