You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
