Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
