Dual....:-)
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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