I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
