I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
