You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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