I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
