There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
