i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
