In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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