My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
