It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
