operation harelip BJ is a go
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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