No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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