Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
