nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
