so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
