Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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