So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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