I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
