im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
