Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
