I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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