Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
