Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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