Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
