I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
