i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
