bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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