even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
