LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
