I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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