There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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