After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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