The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
