Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
