so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
