Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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