i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
