I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
