i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
