im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
