How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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