Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
