this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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