For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
