So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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