I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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